How I was Almost a Dead Duck
I once read that pizza delivery is listed by the U.S. government as a hazardous job. That’s because delivery drivers are third most likely to be murdered on the job following law enforcement and taxi drivers.
It is this simple fact that I try my best to be as safe as possible to ensure I make it home each and every day. I don’t flash money around, I try to keep my car parked under a street light and I try to keep a sharp eye on my surroundings at all time.
I have been delivering pizzas for nearly 10 years now and I have never been physically assaulted. Until today.
I was alone in an empty building. The lights were off but the sun was shining in through plenty of glass doors and windows. I felt safe.
Walking around a little, I poked my head down a poorly lit hallway. No one. I looked though a doorway into a dark room full of metal folding chairs. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until I noticed a shadow moving under one of the chairs. Quickly realized I was no longer alone as my soon to be attacker made themselves known.
Out of the shadows it waddled, a rouge duck.
I was at the Marshy Point Nature Center in Chase, Md.. I had a bag full of pizzas and this duck that had a crazed look in its eyes and a thirst for blood on its beak was following me around. Following me as I circled the room trying my best to avoid it.
At this point I turned to a delivery driver’s secret weapon, my cell phone. I called the number on the delivery ticket and told them I had arrived and I didn’t see anyone around.
After a few rings a woman picks up and informs me she is on her way. But before hanging up she warns me to be careful for there was a duck roaming around the building.
While on the phone I made a life threatening error. I forgot about the duck and stopped walking, becoming easy prey. Taking full advantage of my immobility, my attacker cocked its head back and delivered its vicious blow to the toe of my shoe. Then again. And again. And again.
Before ending the phone call with my customer I tell her that I already knew about the duck and that it was currently pecking at my foot. I honestly do not think she believed me because as soon as she entered the room she looked down at the duck treating my shoe like a speed bag and began to laugh uncontrollably.
With all the dangers that a delivery driver can potentially face, I’ll gladly take a duck attack any day of the week.
